in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
