your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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