Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
