Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
