Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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