Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
