that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
