I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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