dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
