I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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