I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
