If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
