when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
