I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
