my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
