So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
