I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
