conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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