He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
