Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
