That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
