It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
