Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
