remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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