She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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