Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
