So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You don't make any sense
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