May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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