Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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