Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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