you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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