you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
