After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
