Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
