you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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