Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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