Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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