you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
