you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
