You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
