Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
