I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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