Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
