If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
