just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
