Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
