every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
