First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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