i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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