I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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