I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My vagina just recognized that song.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
