I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
