real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
